Mouse

I'm liking the labels they put on jeans these days, sometimes I'm minded to keep the labels and throw the trouser away.
 On an unrelated matter, the pest control guy was in the other day and I tellt him I had a dead mouse on my desk that morning, the office erupted in mirth when I showed him that it was my electronic mouse that had expired! Yes I pulled it out, as the wee arrow had started acting like a forky tail trying to get out of the bath.
The replacement has no wire and can be taken about.
 The other day I took it across the yard.

Couldn't you or do you get a mouse shaped like a car and then you could go neeyaww, neeyaw with a rising inflection at the end unless it's an automatic and I cant remember what they sound like as I haven't had one since I had that Holden ute, fish van that had been rolled in Tasmania in 1985 trying to avoid a cat presumably. This mouse is crap as well its arrow is behaving like an epileptic gnat on speed, that's why I'm still here writing as I'm unable to escape.

Some winery news. The shop has been gutted and there is a new roof on it, the old one was rotten and we're sort of hoping it will be ready for the cafe opening up on the 16^th of March but I doubt it.

 Actually it was.

I've not had anything worthwhile to say for a bit. Here's and inspired
poem sent by Peter Duncan.

To: us@cairnomohr.co.uk
Subject: Gangs wi haggis

Tae Bramble and Oakleaf
Wine!

Whit's 'a the fuss at Cairn o Mohr,
aboot that yin ye ne'er made afore,
An' this twinge in yer jeans that
gaed thon feelin'?
A.ve jist hud it wae ma haggis, and
I wis greetin'!

Yer were richt aboot them 'comin'
freends, it was jist the same like toast wi beans!
Efter as ye ca' it a' yon
'foldin'?
'Twas jist like Tam's usquebea, wi
ambers golden!

It sucked me in and blew me oot, of
that feelin there is nae doot,
But whit tae dae noo that Burns
Nicht is over?
Hav' a jist tae sit doon noo wi'
ordinary stuff - made frae clover?

Na, na a said tae ma quine, we'll
need mair 'o that Bramble 'n Oakleaf wine,
It's whar tae get it that I need tae
find, an' it tae shift,
None least that we got it frae a
freend as a gift!

Ye kindly folk at Cairn o Mohr, will
be able tae help me I am sure
Tae find this wine at ma local
store, an' bag it,
Tae hae wi ma tea this very week, wi
ma next haggis!

Now I'm sure that you'll be
thinkin', 'we could have a competition,
An promote oor Bramble and Oakleaf
wine
on the website, it'll help tae sell
it - anytime'?

Ach ye've gone an beat me to it,
it's oan the web - I've jist reviewed it!
But it's good, and fits wi' Rabbie's
wise design?
So 'Tae Cairn o Mohr's Bramble n'
Oakleaf wine'

I hope ye liked this wee riposte,
an' fur words ye'll no be lost?
Yer right, poetries no that
hard?
But somehow - I still prefer the
Bard!

Customer feedback

We had a message from a customer who didnt understand our rolling bulletin so I'll likely change it. I enjoyed the challenge of trying to explain it though, to myself.

Thank you for your message.

The purpose of our rolling bulletin is to inform our customers of up and coming events at the winery and new product launch. There are occasions when no new event has been arranged or no new wine is imminent or event scheduled. We required a message that could act as a ready filler to replace promptly an out of date announcement.

We've always played fairly fast and loose with the English language and if you look through the Cairn O Mohr website you will probably see other examples of that. It's not so unusual to flash a poetic licence in the production of marketing material generally.

Navigating the legislation surrounding alcoholic marketing is tricky and the rolling message saying 'Drink Cairn O Mohr' on its own, may have appeared as an attempt at hypnotism, also the speed at which the message passes was redolent of the controversial subliminal advertising of a few years ago. This you may recall, was the practice of flashing up promotional messages on TV screens so quickly that it was considered that they had appeared below the level of human consciousness. The advertiser clearly felt that the ads would do there job nevertheless, however, the watchdogs deemed this method of promotion underhand and it came to and end (we think!)

The fact that you could clearly read my message to the point that you spotted my deliberate spelling mistake proves that it was not subliminal, however I liked the word subliminal and the word sublime that it subliminally contained, (in my world). ' Subliminal,' I hoped, also carried a healthy message that we should also aspire to drink wine to a point not intruding on human consciousness so as not to upset the BMA.

I might change it, though since you didnt get it.

I am aware of the limits of my literacy, I had to leave school in a hurry.

I've left you some mixed marks - ......,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;!

Kind Regards. and I hope you enjoy our wine.

Ron Gillies.

Silvery Salmon

I was in the pub last night and they were talking football. Someone said it cost him £25 quid to get into Inverness. I say, I went there and got in for nothing in fact I asked them for a fiver and they gave me one (it was raining right enough) Actually they didn't give me it there and then I had to go and meet someone for it in a big shopping mall called Horrorgate or something. So I walked along the river in the pouring rain my feet getting wetter by the minute and went by a gap in the dripping trees just in time to see a man land a silvery salmon. There was nothing to say because it was all there however I felt compelled to comment so I said is that your first one today? (Is that all you've caught?) He says that's my only one I've been fishing for 3 hours.


I says what is it 3 pounds? He said 5.

I couldn't find the guy in the shopping centre. It was full of folk, presumably all looking for their fiver. I started to panic looking for an exit, pushed open a fire door and found myself on a street bewildered, not knowing which way was north or if I was in Aberdeen.

A man came up to me in the pub and said 7. Yesterday it was 28.

Latest

Anyone know where all the tupperware tubs have gone, there used to be about ten and now there's only three. My wonderfull soul partner in this universe, has taken to putting mystery leftovers in dessert bowls with a saucer on top in the fridge. See trying to squeeze a tub o sour cream out between a stacko plates on bowls and the other thing whatever it was, plums.
I know what's going on, she gets up in the dark, all innocent and then slipping down to her midnight, hermetically sealed plastic tub in a range of sizes, gambling scamola with her mates, sneaking in from the village.

I've heard the popping and the laughing and I'm onto them now.

I've alerted the tupperware squad and together we're going to blow that whole ring wide open.
The kids have taken to making up their tuna mayonnaisse (it's not really fish dad) in this handy bowl, that's not that handy when it's full o something in the fridge. So I got a special dedicated tuna tub when I was in the £1 shop the other day getting a psychadelic, fluffy, steering wheel cosy for the forklift..... It' broke!

I expected better. I'm going back there to demand satisfaction!

Perth farmers market organisers were having a themed one, to go with 'Earth Day' and asked us traders to come up with some energy saving ideas. I just stayed in my bed.

Doing my bit for the planet, just trying to make a difference folks.

Cafe's opening again from Friedegg the 24th march and on the weekend we're launching the new cider with a 21 bottle salute. A free glass for everyone on the day. Theyr'll be live music too if anyone wants to come along and sing us a song.

I'm not as funny as I used to be, at this rate of deterioration, in a year, I'll be eligible for an amusing column in the Scotland on Sunday. Did I ever tell you about the funny thing my dog did? Aw min.

Ganges wi curry

I bought my wife a new forklift today hopefully that'll keep her happy for a bit. Maybe I'll get a bit of peace at night. She doesn't like the sound of me breathing.

Stv news phoned up the other day and said "What are you doing?" I said "Nothing," So they came out and filmed it.

Emm, I didn't want that e to be a capital but the computer went and corrected it.

Have you seen my phone? It's a black one.

Seemingly I've to meet the Indian consul tomorrow, there's some high level, trade love in, initiative thing going on between the UK and India and he's coming to Perth to tell me about it. We've made a special wine to mark the occasion which was just to be "Gangs wi Curry" like, to follow "Gangs wi Haggis's," lead.
It ended up as "Ganges wi Curry" which I thought was very clever.
I suppose I'll have to get up.

J. ! golf
Here help yourself to some commas ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, it'll save me bending down
I'm away to the pub.

Them

That was some snow wasnt it. I enjoyed watching the icicles grow whilst feeling something should be done about it, a fortnightly icicle collection lorry probably, let the council deal with it and it's gillies not gilleez. I'm sorry sir but if you want a service you have to allow us to correct you on the pronunciation of your name. Where are we going?


Picture the scene all the icicles spontaneously plummet stabbing people, looking down, on their way for bread and papers, blood mingles attractively in the snow. Half of western civilisation vanquished in a day by something that we didnt even know, didnt like us. Who would have thought? And then it melts and the ones who were waiting in the house for the bread and milk finally go out, bodies everywhere, till someone comes up and says maybe it was the icicles. Merry christmas everyone

Trip

Mikey, my nephew was a great friend of our son Lachlan, similar aged and neighbours too, they grew up together and were like brothers, the kind that get on. Mikey he's turned out to be something of sportsman, as in, running, hill walking, climbing, cycling and c. He comes with us on some of our jaunts. Always mustard keen for whatever's on. At the moment it's French mustard, as he's just done a route to Paris from John o Groats, cycling wi his mate Kriss. Cairn o Mohr's sort of sponsoring him,( I bought him a jacket and a shirt)


But it's for charity like, cancer, ken. I took them up in the transit. What a good run.

It's beautiful way up north, up above Lairg. Along the top we picked up a hitchhiker, French guy, put him in the back and along a bit there's an other man, thundering along the grass verge, short, stocky from the back, carrying what looked like a hat in a poly bag, hitching arm out into the road. Walking. He's local sounding, loud, and into the back with him. He'd already met in with the French back packer before and went to, continuing with more stories and dodgy advice for the young man. I pulled into the Bettyhill hotel/bar, a wee placey along the north coast and we went in. Jock, the hitcher was delighted with this stop and insisted on buying the round. One of these familiar guys, face o scars, he said he hadn't had a drink for five weeks but showed no hesitation, a double whisky and a half for him. I'm wondering if I'd wrecked the poor mans resolution, till we worked out how he hadn't had a drink for five weeks. The jail's no licensed.

We acknowledged and referenced the mid day drunk there, then chatted up the chek girl. Looked at the pool table. Back in the van I gave my precious cargo an elderberry and gooseberry to share and what a merry time we had all along the sunny, twisty strap that dips down into yellow beachy oxters, the coastal road to Thurso. The music blaring, Bob Dylan telling us again.

Jock delivers what's clearly his favourite line, he's three bairns to three different girls fae the same scheme in Thurso. I'm still no sure what I'm to do about it, just wonder.

We stopped to look at Dounray, three shoe boxes and a golf ball, and Jock explained about this plants undeniable significance in history. The very first, like it or lump it and he's proud and possessive of this powerful monument. I took pictures. He said ' You'll get shot if you do that, the guards are armed here and it's no just British weapons its German rifles they're armed wi. 'But surely the British rifles will dae a gid enough job' Heckling the guide. Then he started rotating on about modern weapons with their killer name/number combinations and we all stand to attention. I'm feeling led into asking if he's ex army, which he was.

But he was delightit when we let him an the Parisian out at Thurso. 'Wait'll I tell them I got a lift in a wine van and stopped off at the pub and everything.' Man hugs all round.

I saw off Mikey and Kriss at John o Groats and went home.The boys did the trip in twelve days averaging ninety three miles a day.

Sharon King and The Reckless Angels

Hi folks,
Just to remind you there are still tickets available for
'Sharon King and The Reckless Angels'
playing out at the Cairn o Mohr winery this Saturday night.
This is a country/folk band from Edinburgh.
Sharon sings powerful ballads in a haunting voice to the syrupy strings of her band.
Come on over for a good night out at the winery. There's a bar on on the night.

You can pick up tickets from the winery, or book them over the phone. 01821642781.
Cheers

Ron Gillies

Oh Dear

Some hectic summer with a number of things going on, av no been able tae write. We had the telly here bbc2, oz clarke and hugh dennis for the hugh and dennis show which apparently is a show. Everything was ready for them, a piece of bottling, pressing, oak leaf picking wine tasting, everything in place, even a special bottle smashing thing set up as requested. they had asked us if we could muster up an enthusiastic audience for the day, a wednesday afternoon, but dont tell the papers or we'll be mobbed. so i tellt the papers and the radio.


Naan made special Oz trich stovies and er, denison stovies for the cafe. On the day a goodly squad turned up and we waited and they phoned and said they were running an hour late, in the end they were over two hours late by which time half the folk had left and the rest were pished. Still, the tv stars fitted in fine when they finally arrived and there was a gid party atmosphere going, all very relaxed. The husky voiced, lady director liked the scene and decided it should all happen around the bottle smashing arena. so we started off with a somewhat shambolic, standing, wine tasting. Oz liked it well enough and was complimentary of it, he's no a bad lad olthogh he got a hoor o a flig when one of the local militia fired off a cider stopper that went up in the air and doon judiths neck when he was speaking to her. He wisnae happy aboot that, but abdy else thot it was funny. Hugh wiz also a decent cove, soberer on accoont o driving but appeared to be enjoyin hisel onywize, in a drier way. We got goin with the informal bottle smash I had a pop but missed and was soon elbowed oot o the wy by Oz who coodnae wait ti get started. It was funny watching him standing there like an owl at a bowling alley but his form was not far off. Hugh was a good bowler and two hit the target but stotted off. Eventually Oz got ane. He wis delighted. It all started to fall apart after that, the natives desperation to become tv stars wis startin tae get ugly and the tv crew fled. Let's hope they're kind to us but it could go either way.

Wir makin oak leaf and aipples jist noo.

com oot and visit the winery

sbraw