The Fruit Wine Experience

Customer feedback

2011-12-01T22:09:00.000Z

We had a message from a customer who didnt understand our rolling bulletin so I'll likely change it. I enjoyed the challenge of trying to explain it though, to myself.

Thank you for your message.

The purpose of our rolling bulletin is to inform our customers of up and coming events at the winery and new product launch. There are occasions when no new event has been arranged or no new wine is imminent or event scheduled. We required a message that could act as a ready filler to replace promptly an out of date announcement.

We've always played fairly fast and loose with the English language and if you look through the Cairn O Mohr website you will probably see other examples of that. It's not so unusual to flash a poetic licence in the production of marketing material generally.

Navigating the legislation surrounding alcoholic marketing is tricky and the rolling message saying 'Drink Cairn O Mohr' on its own, may have appeared as an attempt at hypnotism, also the speed at which the message passes was redolent of the controversial subliminal advertising of a few years ago. This you may recall, was the practice of flashing up promotional messages on TV screens so quickly that it was considered that they had appeared below the level of human consciousness. The advertiser clearly felt that the ads would do there job nevertheless, however, the watchdogs deemed this method of promotion underhand and it came to and end (we think!)

The fact that you could clearly read my message to the point that you spotted my deliberate spelling mistake proves that it was not subliminal, however I liked the word subliminal and the word sublime that it subliminally contained, (in my world). ' Subliminal,' I hoped, also carried a healthy message that we should also aspire to drink wine to a point not intruding on human consciousness so as not to upset the BMA.

I might change it, though since you didnt get it.

I am aware of the limits of my literacy, I had to leave school in a hurry.

I've left you some mixed marks - ......,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;!

Kind Regards. and I hope you enjoy our wine.

Ron Gillies.

Silvery Salmon

2011-08-23T21:39:00.001+01:00

I was in the pub last night and they were talking football. Someone said it cost him £25 quid to get into Inverness. I say, I went there and got in for nothing in fact I asked them for a fiver and they gave me one (it was raining right enough) Actually they didn't give me it there and then I had to go and meet someone for it in a big shopping mall called Horrorgate or something. So I walked along the river in the pouring rain my feet getting wetter by the minute and went by a gap in the dripping trees just in time to see a man land a silvery salmon. There was nothing to say because it was all there however I felt compelled to comment so I said is that your first one today? (Is that all you've caught?) He says that's my only one I've been fishing for 3 hours.

I says what is it 3 pounds? He said 5.

I couldn't find the guy in the shopping centre. It was full of folk, presumably all looking for their fiver. I started to panic looking for an exit, pushed open a fire door and found myself on a street bewildered, not knowing which way was north or if I was in Aberdeen.

A man came up to me in the pub and said 7. Yesterday it was 28.

Latest

2011-03-10T07:17:00.000Z

Anyone know where all the tupperware tubs have gone, there used to be about ten and now there's only three. My wonderfull soul partner in this universe, has taken to putting mystery leftovers in dessert bowls with a saucer on top in the fridge. See trying to squeeze a tub o sour cream out between a stacko plates on bowls and the other thing whatever it was, plums.
I know what's going on, she gets up in the dark, all innocent and then slipping down to her midnight, hermetically sealed plastic tub in a range of sizes, gambling scamola with her mates, sneaking in from the village.

I've heard the popping and the laughing and I'm onto them now.

I've alerted the tupperware squad and together we're going to blow that whole ring wide open.
The kids have taken to making up their tuna mayonnaisse (it's not really fish dad) in this handy bowl, that's not that handy when it's full o something in the fridge. So I got a special dedicated tuna tub when I was in the £1 shop the other day getting a psychadelic, fluffy, steering wheel cosy for the forklift..... It' broke!

I expected better. I'm going back there to demand satisfaction!

Perth farmers market organisers were having a themed one, to go with 'Earth Day' and asked us traders to come up with some energy saving ideas. I just stayed in my bed.

Doing my bit for the planet, just trying to make a difference folks.

Cafe's opening again from Friedegg the 24th march and on the weekend we're launching the new cider with a 21 bottle salute. A free glass for everyone on the day. Theyr'll be live music too if anyone wants to come along and sing us a song.

I'm not as funny as I used to be, at this rate of deterioration, in a year, I'll be eligible for an amusing column in the Scotland on Sunday. Did I ever tell you about the funny thing my dog did? Aw min.

Ganges wi curry

2011-02-04T17:08:00.001Z

I bought my wife a new forklift today hopefully that'll keep her happy for a bit. Maybe I'll get a bit of peace at night. She doesn't like the sound of me breathing.

Stv news phoned up the other day and said "What are you doing?" I said "Nothing," So they came out and filmed it.

Emm, I didn't want that e to be a capital but the computer went and corrected it.

Have you seen my phone? It's a black one.

Seemingly I've to meet the Indian consul tomorrow, there's some high level, trade love in, initiative thing going on between the UK and India and he's coming to Perth to tell me about it. We've made a special wine to mark the occasion which was just to be "Gangs wi Curry" like, to follow "Gangs wi Haggis's," lead.
It ended up as "Ganges wi Curry" which I thought was very clever.
I suppose I'll have to get up.

J. ! golf
Here help yourself to some commas ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, it'll save me bending down
I'm away to the pub.

Them

2010-12-12T11:50:00.000Z

That was some snow wasnt it. I enjoyed watching the icicles grow whilst feeling something should be done about it, a fortnightly icicle collection lorry probably, let the council deal with it and it's gillies not gilleez. I'm sorry sir but if you want a service you have to allow us to correct you on the pronunciation of your name. Where are we going?

Picture the scene all the icicles spontaneously plummet stabbing people, looking down, on their way for bread and papers, blood mingles attractively in the snow. Half of western civilisation vanquished in a day by something that we didnt even know, didnt like us. Who would have thought? And then it melts and the ones who were waiting in the house for the bread and milk finally go out, bodies everywhere, till someone comes up and says maybe it was the icicles. Merry christmas everyone

Trip

2010-10-29T18:42:00.002+01:00

Mikey, my nephew was a great friend of our son Lachlan, similar aged and neighbours too, they grew up together and were like brothers, the kind that get on. Mikey he's turned out to be something of sportsman, as in, running, hill walking, climbing, cycling and c. He comes with us on some of our jaunts. Always mustard keen for whatever's on. At the moment it's French mustard, as he's just done a route to Paris from John o Groats, cycling wi his mate Kriss. Cairn o Mohr's sort of sponsoring him,( I bought him a jacket and a shirt)

But it's for charity like, cancer, ken. I took them up in the transit. What a good run.

It's beautiful way up north, up above Lairg. Along the top we picked up a hitchhiker, French guy, put him in the back and along a bit there's an other man, thundering along the grass verge, short, stocky from the back, carrying what looked like a hat in a poly bag, hitching arm out into the road. Walking. He's local sounding, loud, and into the back with him. He'd already met in with the French back packer before and went to, continuing with more stories and dodgy advice for the young man. I pulled into the Bettyhill hotel/bar, a wee placey along the north coast and we went in. Jock, the hitcher was delighted with this stop and insisted on buying the round. One of these familiar guys, face o scars, he said he hadn't had a drink for five weeks but showed no hesitation, a double whisky and a half for him. I'm wondering if I'd wrecked the poor mans resolution, till we worked out how he hadn't had a drink for five weeks. The jail's no licensed.

We acknowledged and referenced the mid day drunk there, then chatted up the chek girl. Looked at the pool table. Back in the van I gave my precious cargo an elderberry and gooseberry to share and what a merry time we had all along the sunny, twisty strap that dips down into yellow beachy oxters, the coastal road to Thurso. The music blaring, Bob Dylan telling us again.

Jock delivers what's clearly his favourite line, he's three bairns to three different girls fae the same scheme in Thurso. I'm still no sure what I'm to do about it, just wonder.

We stopped to look at Dounray, three shoe boxes and a golf ball, and Jock explained about this plants undeniable significance in history. The very first, like it or lump it and he's proud and possessive of this powerful monument. I took pictures. He said ' You'll get shot if you do that, the guards are armed here and it's no just British weapons its German rifles they're armed wi. 'But surely the British rifles will dae a gid enough job' Heckling the guide. Then he started rotating on about modern weapons with their killer name/number combinations and we all stand to attention. I'm feeling led into asking if he's ex army, which he was.

But he was delightit when we let him an the Parisian out at Thurso. 'Wait'll I tell them I got a lift in a wine van and stopped off at the pub and everything.' Man hugs all round.

I saw off Mikey and Kriss at John o Groats and went home.The boys did the trip in twelve days averaging ninety three miles a day.

Sharon King and The Reckless Angels

2010-10-12T19:10:00.001+01:00

Hi folks,
Just to remind you there are still tickets available for
'Sharon King and The Reckless Angels'
playing out at the Cairn o Mohr winery this Saturday night.
This is a country/folk band from Edinburgh.
Sharon sings powerful ballads in a haunting voice to the syrupy strings of her band.
Come on over for a good night out at the winery. There's a bar on on the night.

You can pick up tickets from the winery, or book them over the phone. 01821642781.
Cheers

Ron Gillies

Oh Dear

2010-09-10T04:42:00.000+01:00

Some hectic summer with a number of things going on, av no been able tae write. We had the telly here bbc2, oz clarke and hugh dennis for the hugh and dennis show which apparently is a show. Everything was ready for them, a piece of bottling, pressing, oak leaf picking wine tasting, everything in place, even a special bottle smashing thing set up as requested. they had asked us if we could muster up an enthusiastic audience for the day, a wednesday afternoon, but dont tell the papers or we'll be mobbed. so i tellt the papers and the radio.

Naan made special Oz trich stovies and er, denison stovies for the cafe. On the day a goodly squad turned up and we waited and they phoned and said they were running an hour late, in the end they were over two hours late by which time half the folk had left and the rest were pished. Still, the tv stars fitted in fine when they finally arrived and there was a gid party atmosphere going, all very relaxed. The husky voiced, lady director liked the scene and decided it should all happen around the bottle smashing arena. so we started off with a somewhat shambolic, standing, wine tasting. Oz liked it well enough and was complimentary of it, he's no a bad lad olthogh he got a hoor o a flig when one of the local militia fired off a cider stopper that went up in the air and doon judiths neck when he was speaking to her. He wisnae happy aboot that, but abdy else thot it was funny. Hugh wiz also a decent cove, soberer on accoont o driving but appeared to be enjoyin hisel onywize, in a drier way. We got goin with the informal bottle smash I had a pop but missed and was soon elbowed oot o the wy by Oz who coodnae wait ti get started. It was funny watching him standing there like an owl at a bowling alley but his form was not far off. Hugh was a good bowler and two hit the target but stotted off. Eventually Oz got ane. He wis delighted. It all started to fall apart after that, the natives desperation to become tv stars wis startin tae get ugly and the tv crew fled. Let's hope they're kind to us but it could go either way.

Wir makin oak leaf and aipples jist noo.

com oot and visit the winery

sbraw

CAIRN O MOHR INTERNATIONAL BOTTLE SMASHING TOURNAMENT RESULTS 2010

2010-06-01T07:41:00.002+01:00

Another hugely successful bottle smash event with a large turnout despite the early wet conditions. The day improved as the day went on with considerable amounts of deep yellow sun raining down on us and only the occasional pathetic shower making the somewhat unconvincing visit.
The mood was up and the tension soared to soaring point or nearby as this shambolic tournament commenced with well-organised precision, if you weren't there you should have been there and you better be there next year.

People flocked in from all corners of the earth and some that felt like material blown in from outer space, lobsterman, to compete in this prestigious truly international event.

Lewis Anderson from Inchbare won it for the juniors with a very good three bottles

Violet Gillies (Staff) kept the ladies trophy home with three

The men's trophy? Murray May woke up in time, after Rab What squared his four, to take it back in a tense sudden death playoff.

The men's trophy went off on a bus to Edzell.

Well done Edzell for a good turnout and some delightful singing that charmed the crowd and had some of us in tears.

New cafe opening soon

2010-03-29T18:10:00.000+01:00

I like to use this spot to get bothersome things of my chest a bit, partly because, for me it's cathartic and also from the readers point of view, well we all enjoy a bit of agony dont we.

If I see a restaurant review with the heading everything was fine or similar I'm just not interested. Vitriol is much tastier.

Talking about food, catering is an arena that we are entering ourselves imminently with our own Cairn O Mohr Cafe opening soon.

We chose cafe over restaurant so that people dont come expecting pan seared scallops froomeled with bandycorn, topped with gampo leaves in a pool of elderflower squid ink ringed with candied larks tongues, tasty as that sounds. Gordon Ramsay, the Batman of kitchens, wont be bothering us with just a cafe methinks. That's not to say we're not ambitious with it but it's a small kitchen so, simple food done well is our intention and in the future, twisting, as required.

Stovies, soup and pies. Good coffee tea, scones and cakes and of course toast.

The Cairn o Mohr Cafe should be open by the Easter holidays.

There will be an official opening day with live music, maybe two

I've got this friend, but after his unmerited attack on Saturday night I've downgraded him to, poisonous, agitating cretin.

An irate man e-mailed us with a scathing attack on my leaflet copy with particular attention directed at the map and directions for the winery, (he got lost) He has a good point, directions should be clear so I'll fix that. Attacking my 'feeble' jokes was a little harsh though, I thought they were quality.

Should I drop the amusing content?

Februarys Offering

2010-02-27T12:18:00.001Z

Everyone wants their brother to do well, just not better than them.
Over the wineter (I'll leave that typo) we have been giving our labels a makeover. The old labels were starting to look a bit stale and shabby on the shop shelves. They still looked great on the table but we must to get them there first you understand. Needless to say there was some opposition to the change with my favourite comment being, ''If it ain't broke don't break it''
Yeh well, time for a change and the new design, Susan and Slim worked hard at and took a lot of time over, to maintain the general Cairn o Mohr look. The birds are still there, but we've improved the colouring muchly, more fruitier looking and tasty. Abdy seems to like the finished version and you'll start to see them soon.
We're bottling our cider just now. Did you not know we made cider? Oh aye, ye'll need tae try the Cairn O Mohr cider. I've probably told you before. Cider people tell me it's a good dry cider .
It's got body, flavour and numerous other applications that have still to be singled out and tagged.
Oh aye yil need tae try the cider.
That's enough cider.
It's something to do in the afternoon.

We're starting a cafe next month-ish, out here at the winery. Still mulling over the menu but a good stovie recipe is on the cards.
Aye looking for ideas.

I see we have a facebook Cairn O Mohr Appreciation Society which is actually very touching and I don't say actually, lightly.
I might join it.
We also have our own facebook site, it's a little sobererererer (we have to be sensible)
Everything in moderation, even moderation.
Somebody else said that.
Cheery Currant getting better all the time and the Strawberry is sublime.
Ron

Gangs wi Haggis wine

2010-01-17T17:11:00.002Z

I'm a fan of Burns and we have an informal Burns supper every year out at the Cairn O Mohr winery.

Naturally we drink Cairn o Mohr wine with the meal.

Sadly, after years of sampling, I had to concede that none of my wines quite worked with the Haggis.

They had too much character of their own, or something, they clashed with the spicy beast

The logical leap was to look at it from another angle and by means of an intensive blending process, design a wine specifically for the job.

Using Scottish ingredients, very important.

A Scottish wine for this, most Scottish, of all meals.

One night me and my colleague/wife, Judith, got a great big haggis, a bag o tatties and six neeps into the hoose and a bottle each, of the full Cairn O Mohr range.

We locked the door and got to work.

The next morning, when the duck crowed, we staggered out, blinking into the morning sun.

With the perfect formula. 'Gangs wi Haggis' was born

It's a secret, but there's bramble in it.

Scottish brambles of course.

How does it work? How does tatties and neeps work?

It just does..

We trailed this last year under the label attached, which we are still using until the new ones, wi Burns heid on it, arrive.( It'll be too late for Burns nicht)

It was a runaway success. We've had to make a lot more for this year. Asda has put it into all its Scottish stores.

Ron Gillies

Seasons Greetings

2009-12-20T11:41:00.007Z

The shop will be open for business as usual over the festive period,

but will be closed on 25th , 26th, 27th December and

1st, 2nd & 3rd of January 2010.

Hope everyone has a lovely christmas and a merry new year,

looking forward to meeting friends old and new in the coming year.

Baltic

2009-11-07T07:40:00.003Z

We wiz over in North Germany the other week, compers hold yir water, I didn't take any comp pictures. Shleswig Holstein, nobodies been there anyway and you're not going either. I just happen to have a friend near Flensburg, on the Baltic coast, it's a short story but I'm still not telling you. Whilst there, we visited a couple of family owned apple juice, pressing operations. Both owners were clearly very proud of their well established, high tech, factories and very kindly gave us the full tour and answered all our cheeky questions.For fruit they depended entirely on people's appleziz brought in from their own gardens and whatnot and in return the bringerinners got money or discounted juice. We've started a similar system for apples at the winery here, taking in a variety of apples from all over the countryland, pressing it, bottling some as 'Carse o Gowrie' apple juice and turning the rest into cider and wine. Sgood. If you hiv any spare apples next year. gies a shout.

There is a phenomenal wave of interest in apples and orchards all over Europe at the moment, he said possibly exaggerating, I dont know why? but I myself have been infected by this groundswelling current of grassroots interest to a point of mixing metaphors in combinations erstwhile considered beyond the pale. Many a walled garden i have strolled, apples bitten. The apple of all fruit has attained the paramount 'symbol of health' status; Once it used to keep the dentist away now tis the doctor, maybe one day the taxman, who knows. What the apple is to health the banana is to fitness, I'm sorry half time orange,too sour sometimes. Witness the spectacle of banana skins perched on hilltops and cliff edges, little practical jokes left behind by the incurably fit, the spoor of the orienteer.

The new improved Berry Xmas is out now as is the Mulled Elderberry, (much better for you than apples methinks)

Incidently I've discovered the Mutiny is at its best with food, beef in particular and the 'Cheery Currant' is great with cheese noatcakes.

Ron

NEW EASY PIC 1 now online

2009-10-20T20:26:00.008+01:00

The new 'easy' competition picture is now online.

' Lou661 ' guestbook entry 986 is the latest winner.

Picture no.1 is the easier entry level,
and only for those who have never won before.

Once you have won, you must then move onto picture no.2,
The hard one for any future submissions.

Basically

2009-09-24T21:11:00.006+01:00

Now where was I before I was so rudely interrupted (Lachlan)

One of the painful parts of my job is the writing of tasting notes.
People nowadays expect some kind of explanation and description before they buy wine,
to give them some clue as to whether or not it might be the sort of thing that they might like.

Seems fair enough on the face of it although it's rarely asked of jam or, er sauce.

How useful this information really is, is debateable,
the boy's trying to sell you something after all.
You'll find this carry on, particularly with grape wines possibly because there are tens of thousands of them, many tasting much the same.

The challenge for the winemaker, then, is to try and find some angle that'll make the punter choose there plonk over the next guys.
They cant say it tastes like grapes so they have to say it tastes like something else.

So why do I have to bother?

I could be spending more time on my hammock if it hadn't been blown half way to Dundee.

Anyway I've had a go; look to the shop for the new Mutiny and Cheery Currant.

Cheers

Ron

Lachlan

2009-08-06T22:49:00.015+01:00

Just a few weeks ago I took a step to the side and had a look at our life here and thought, this is not bad;
despite the daily struggles, we've got a good going wee business here but more importantly a healthy family, three happy kids that get on with each other, like each others company and are great friends to their mum and dad.
Lachie the oldest, a great academic achiever, ended up joint dux of Perth High School and also Head boy.
He was popular too because he was a funny and sociable young man. He knew how to enjoy himself. He left school in June. We had some fun for a couple of weeks out on the bikes and learning to drive.
He was to take a year out and go and stay with a friend of mine in Germany for the first couple of months of his freedom and get a job there. Lachlan got the offer of a ticket for T in the Park and went off full of excitement. Something went wrong there. He got hit by a lorry and didn't survive his injuries.
He was only seventeen years old.

The sky came crashing down.
I wrote this about my son.

Lachlan 17 Lachlan 17

Lachlan 17

Lachlan 17

My son died,

Lachlan 17

he was hit by a lorry.

My great companion,

my handsome laddie.

The very thing that

Every parent dreads and hopes

Wont happen

But it happened to us, him, me

What a star you should have seen him

You should have heard him.

Clever and funny, confident and kind

Dux of the school and head boy

He left at the top of his game.

We walked together, we cycled together

We laughed and we talked

Where am I going to go now

I cant go anywhere

we went everywhere

What am I going to do now?

I cant do anything

we did everything

Apart from fishing, he didn't like fishing.

Fortune telling lady

Who didn't look me in the eye on the way to her car

Did you know?

And couldn't tell?

Some teller

Did you know that I knew

you didn't know anything?

Fear runs down the front of my arms

Like rolling sunburn

Drains out through my fingertips

Why fear?

What fear?

Fear of something that has happened? Yes

Sitting in the front row,

I thought the box was going to be blacker

My body got up

Lift the hymn book

Half way through shepherd

And I crack

Tears puddling into my glasses

Good turnout though Lach

You would have been pleased

Busiest the church has been for years.

So like, in your face, other dead guys

Michael Jackson would have been there.

If he hadn't just popped off the week afore

You're away, but you're aye here

But never here enough now

Son

The very thing I told you not do

Was the very thing you laughed and said

that you would never do

was the very thing you did.

It was just a mistake

It was just an honest mistake

It was just an accident

It was just an unfortunate accident

These things happen

These things happen every day

Every day

They say we should focus on the good times

And not think of the things we never did

But I wasn't finished with you yet

Oh Lachie

Up ye get

O.K. so that's it, there'll be no more about it on this website.
Thank you very much for all the messages of support they have been a great help to us.

Ron and Judith

Signet Ring

2009-07-03T23:51:00.004+01:00

I would say I could pinpoint the day that freedom died in this country was when you were no longer allowed to eat a hot steak and gravy pie whilst driving a transit.

I dont even know if that's true.

I wrote to Kenneth Mcaskill on another matter as I felt I ought to. Fair enough I got a prompt reply, although it could have been a stock answer from a flunkess, reminding me of something or other that I can read about any day of the week in the Courier. It was a figurative short wagging finger of a letter complete with a gold signet ring, but what's it doing on that finger?

I must be getting on a bit, my lassie was scribbling at something the other year and I says, what you up to?

She says, writing a list of presents i want for my birthday,

But surely sweetheart, it's only one thing for birthdays,

Oh dad, (patronisingly) that was in the olden days.

My oldest son's just back from his first foreign holiday with his pals in Crete still boasting about getting mugged.

Weather? as hot as Scotland.

I'm thinking about picking some meadowsweet next week.

thereforemoroeovernotwithstanding

2009-06-05T21:07:00.000+01:00

Over a hundred punters turned out for the Cairn O Mohr World Bottle Smashing Tournament on Sunday preceded by the curry night slash bunch of animals party night, the night before which was processed to a raucous bulldozer of sound as delivered by Joon Broon and her 'Readers Wives.' Once I finally got around to my turn in the curry q earlier I had to fish around in the flooded pools of sauce for the one last lump of meat that there was, because all the greedy early bag storers had created mini munroes of miscellaneous savoury chunks on their plate with a slotted spoon. Even then how could i enjoy what there wasn't, when i blundered into an unscripted interview with my neighbour, who I had invited, right enough, and who has a cafe just along the road from us, and thereforemoreovernotwithstanding, my latest business plan (howsoever ( a cafe) is an unwelcome development that will trail the eviction of them out onto the Errol station road with their new born babe. Sorry neebur but I didn't think it through. We didn't have time. But it'll probably be alright ,maybe.
Over a hunner punters turned up for the Bottle Smash on a glorious day of hot sunshine which inadvertently, for him, had the effect of softening both rock and bottles such that many of the bottles that were on target stotted off the rock unharmed. It was an enjoyable competition but i flinched at every unconsummated strike with captain disaster standing at my back right hand corner with his smart white hat and sneer. Someone on his first go failed to convert and blurted out 'This is a rubbish game anyway.'
And i the inventor wondered, is it? People say that of golf all the time and then look around them at everyone else and realise that it cant be.
In the end the star from last year got beat by a big speccy kid.
Ah sweet.
New t shirts and caps out. I'll get them on the website soon. Message on the t shirt is michty

Actually Again

2009-05-15T18:26:00.007+01:00

Michael Marra went down a storm last Saturday night at his sell out concert at Fort Bob, which was sold out , the Cairn O Mohr venue. People were laughing like mad and sometimes crying a bit. You can hire Fort Bob by the how; you can get sixty folk in.

Here's a picture.

Officially there's only toilets for 20 so if you could go before you come I would appreciate that or bring someo thae doggy bag things oot wi ye. Now where was I before that impertinent interruption. Actually, again, It's Saturday evening and I'm going up to the Smiddy for a pint, there's a surprise pairty up on the Fort Bob, at least I didnae ken anyhing abootit, and the bands playing Crazy Horses, remember when the Osmonds had a go at kicking ass, watch out for these cars boys yil mibbe git runower. So, that's right I had a couple o pints and returned to help oot abit at this party. The band or duo but sounded like a band, were very good actually,again; ' Nanobot,' Go and see them if you hear of them and marvel at their wacky space suits with flashing specs. We've got some of that mutiny wine out, the wine I made for that programme 'The Woman Who Ate Scotland' It's called Mutiny, I've probably told you already. There's only a puckly so we're just selling it in the shop here. Also the bottle Smashing event is imminentish Sunday 31st May preceded by A curry night and band ' Joon Broon and Readers Wives'on the Saturday night. Tickets for the party night are £15 and must be got in advance but you can just turn up and register for the Bottle Smashing. Here's the fliers

There's cruelty in wit

2009-04-22T21:26:00.002+01:00

MICHAEL MARRA IS PLAYING AT THE WINERY ON SATURDAY THE 2ND OF MAY.

THERE IS STIILL A FEW TICKETS LEFT FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO COME ALONG. £12 FROM THE WINERY SHOP OR OVER THE PHONE 01821642781

THERE'S CRUELTY IN WIT, IS THERE WIT WITHOOT? THERE'S ALWAYS A VICTIM AND DOES THE VICTIM EARN IT OR IS HE JUST THE HAPLESS TARGET OF A PASSING BULLY.
I ONCE EMAILED THE COMEDIAN BILL BAILEY WHO WAS COMING UP TO DUNDEE TO PERFORM AT THE CAIRD HALL AND I ASKED HIM IF HE COULD MAYBE POP IN AND OPEN MY NEW WINERY ON THE PASSING SO TO SPEAK. MY MESSAGE WAS IN A RESPECTFULL AND REVERENTIAL TONE BUT I DARED A BIT OF LEVERAGE SUGGESTING THAT GERRY SADOWIZCH WHO WAS DOING A GIG IN PERTH WAS ALSO A FINE COMEDIAN. I GOT NO RESPONSE AND JUDITH AND ME WENT ALONG TO BILL BAILEYS GIG ANYWAY.
NOW I KNOW WHERE THEY GET THEIR MATERIAL.
I WAS SHOCKED TO FIND THAT HE HAD COMPOSED A LITTLE OBLIQUE REFERENCE TO MY CHANCING REQUEST INTO HIS SOLILOQUOY WITH MENTION OF THE DUNDEE AREA BOASTING A FRUIT BASED ECONOMY (IT WAS FUNNY THE WAY HE SAID IT(APPARENTLY)) AND SOMETHING ELSE AND FOR A MINUTE I FROZE AT THE PROSPECT THAT I WAS ABOUT TO BE EXPOSED AND HUMILIATED IN A CROWDED ROOM. AS IT WAS HE DROPPED THE TOPIC WITH A DANGEROUS SOUNDING "YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE." I FELT AS IF I WAS GLOWING IN THE DARK.. THIS, I HAD THOUGHT, A MAN WITH WHOM I WOULD ENJOY HAVING A DRINK WITH IN A BAR. MAYBE NOT.
SO SORRY TO ANYONE I MAY HAVE OFFENDED WITH THIS SOMETIMES CAUSTIC BLOG APART FROM MY ENEMIES IN WHICH CASE GET STUFFED.

MICHAEL MARRA IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SINGERS AND WE ARE VERY LUCKY THAT HE IS COMING OUT TO THE WINERY TO PERFORM FOR US. WITH HIS TRADEMARK DEEP CROAKY TONES, HE SINGS, IN THE DUNDEE PATOIS, SELF PENNED SONGS FULL OF WIT AND POIGNANCY WHICH I'M SURE IS A WORD HE WOULD NEVER SAY AS IT IS THE SOUND MADE BY AN OVERWEIGHT MAN WITH A HAIRY CHEST AND BRACES FALLING ON TO A AN OLD SPRUNG BED BASE AND GETTING TANGLED UP DOWN THERE WHILST BOUNCING BRIEFLY, AS EVERY ONE KNOWS. I WOULD JUST LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO APOLOGIES TO ALL STOUT, BRACES WEARING ,GENTLEMEN EVERYWHERE IF, ACTUALLY, IT WASN'T FUNNY AT ALL.

ALSO REMEMBER THE BOTTLE SMASH COMPETITION COMING UP ON 31ST OF MAY

M8

2009-02-26T17:13:00.000Z

I don't like getting called mate and particularly m8, there's no need,if you're in a hurry don't write it at all because I don't like it anyway. I'm sorry Andy if you read this but you might as well know. You even know my name and we are mates anyway and if we're not then shut up. I'll let you off since you spent some time in England.
It's big in Australia and there was one guy in particular in Queensland who had it bad, 'Yis mite' this and 'Yis mite' that. There was never a 'Yis' without a 'Mite'. More of a tick, (like it, like it)
The obnoxious DJ, Peter Powell started calling callers it on the radio in the eighties because he could never remember anyone's name. He called everyone mate and now everyone's mating left right and centre, one big happy family of mateyness. On the face off it,it seems harmless enough, what grumpy old git could object to an assumption of friendship suggesting fighting it out back to back in the trenches of Passandale in another time. Well it could mean that, depends how it's said, it could be menacing, it could mean a lot worse .
We don't know what the tone was by e-mail. Use names by e-mail, that's friendly, o.k. 'Min' ,(Perthshire) 'Pal,' pronounced paul, (Fife) 'Son' (Lanarkshire?) used to be 'Jimmy' but probably 'Big Man' now (Glasgow) and my favourite, 'Chief' (Dundee) If you disagree with the regionalities of any of these casual appellations or have any of your own, I'd love to hear them. Send them to the guest page.
We'll probably have the 'Berry Up' out again soon, it's a popular one. I'll need to go and taste that 'Mutiny', see how that's coming along.

We laugh at recession

2009-01-16T17:29:00.003Z

This being the 250th anniversary of the birth of Rabbie Burns raises the opportunity for some shameless exploitation. I am a fan of the poet myself, of course. Mr Burns's words were usually well selected and arranged and his timing impeccable, particularly the timing of his annual supper, a lifeboat to swim to after sister ships Christmas and New Year have sunk beneath the waves. In response to rumours of economic rapids ahead, maintaining the watery metaphor, although shifting the ships above the turbulence, whereas they would normally be found below. Lake Chad comes to mind, we've come up with this new commemorative wine. A Burns supper is a uniquely scottish meal and many jupiters ago I spotted a gap on the table near me and another one near you needing filled wi a bottle of Cairn O Mohr but one that would need to be particularly designed to flatter a Haggis
Much research has gone into this centuries old problem, much of it in my own hoose and a subtle approach was required to snare the beast. In the end we took a Bramble and with carefull blending turned down the treble and upped the bass a bit. That did it. We're just calling it 'Gings wi Haggis.' (we laugh at recession for the imposter it is, ha ha !) I wrote this little poem.

Monies a Burns nicht has seen me scunnert
Quaffin boattles by the hunnert
One big problem returned tae nag us
There's no a Cairn o Mohr that gings wi Haggis

The Bramble seemed tae hae an affinity
No right there but in the vicinty
They foucht a bit wi me in the middle
Jerkin like a Shetland fiddle

I had a feelin in ma jeans
That wi a tweak they could be freends
We folded in some Oak Leaf wine
Which broucht the twa tae gither fine

So raise a glass of Cairn O Mohr
We've nivver made this one afore

A the fuss aboot the bard, writin poetry's no that hard.

Gangs Wi Haggis is available online. There's a couple o deals as well

Interestingly enough

2008-12-20T18:18:00.000Z

I dreamt this morning that a driverless tractor and bogie had rolled away backwards, picked up speed and then separated, the tractor slewed off and buried itself into a pile of 3/4 inch gravel while the bogie careered on. I buried my head in my sleeping hands as it cannoned towards a 500 gallon fibre glass tank of wine. When I looked again the track had taken it around and guided it down the brae towards the busy road. I jumped onto my unicycle in hot pursuit.
A reel of pictures came through the air, the other day, and into one of our computers, they were of an event at Fyvie Castle and it was Prince Charlesiziz sixtieth birthday celebration in Scotland and what was on his table? What was on all the tables? (fanfare please) Cairn o Mohr Elderberry and Oak Leaf. he could have had any wine in the world. There was one picture of him drinking it but that mysteriously disappeared on later looking. Scotland's folk singing aristocracy were there to entertain him, Ali Bain, Phil Cunningham etal. You've got to say it for that Prince, he's patriotic. What political transformations I've had to go through in my life, -right wing extremist, communist, anarchist, Buddhist brieflhy, greenist, nationalist, pilchardist, liberal- republican, alcoholist, anarchist -royalist. At the farmers market meeting we discussed booking the Prince to visit for our tenth year celebration but our republican founder wouldn't have it. I was up, one foot on the table, singing 'God save the King.' Shameless.
It's treason to use the royal family for advertising, seemingly, so look out for a quarter piece of me on a hook near you afore lang.

Pestered into picking apples this year. We gathered in four tons from folk's gardens. Best way is laying out covers on the ground, a long hooked stick to shake them down and a hard hat. So we had this great variety of varieties and put them all through the mill and pressed them. The first juice we bottled and pasteurised and called it Carse O Gowrie apple juice. I've got an order for six cases sitting there for... ( fanfare again please) Gleneagles hotel. Some o it we're making into wine/cider, interestingly enough ( a taut couplet, as if things could be more interesting but,- don't be greedy. I got a job lot on brackets, where's the other bit. Here)

Crossed the line?

2008-10-02T17:58:00.000+01:00

I'm a firm believer that if you get enough exercise you can probably drink as much as you like. Now some doctory fellow will probably read this and say. "Trow thow misguided mongoose thow lying cuttlefish." I don't know why he's a Shakesperean doctor, you don't see many of them these days, that'll probably start bothering me next week but, there you go as the man said to the kittens before flinging them in to the river in a bag. I just make this stuff up, as the monkey said to the camel. They used to say a lot of that kind of stuff on the farm or another running joke would be "Pass that tool over here." to the chorus of "That's what she said last night" followed by a cossack style "Hey!"
Happy days.
Ah the old days on the farm.Going back then you got plenty exercise at work; mucking out the byre by hand for example. What a blessing when they brought in the fork. Much physical labour at the workplace is now either superseded by technology or illegal these days but I mean you knew that. Nowadays I'm getting into a bit of, like pointless exercise; walking and cycling in particular. Take tomorrow; I'm away on a lengthy cycle run stopping off in Dundee to see the start of a marathon that Cairn O Mohr are sponsoring, I'm not running it, I'd sooner run a marathon har de har har!!.Oh deary me.
People ask me to do all sort of sponsoring, every week there's a new request; somebody wanting help to open this or launch that. I launch a turd down the pan the other day but I didn't go phoning around local businesses for support. Sorry about that I hope you weren't eating Rice Krispies.
"Think of the exposure." They say
People die of exposure.
Here's the elderberries in.

I didnt like it

2008-04-13T23:43:00.000+01:00

I used to work picking berries in the berry fields when I was a kid, many young folk of my generation did. I was mostly a raspberry man myself, at Ballindean in the Sidlaws I did strawberries occasionally but I didn't like it. Ballindean was great, steep dreels running up and down the hill, always hot, oh yes. Linteys, redpolls.
I remember once this other kid (other than me) saying, "hey what kind of jeans are these you've got on?" I'm thinking what are you talking about, I thought just jeans was good enough. Anyway he had Levis and when I looked at them they did look quite cool, a rich blue faded at the knee,and that was original cool before cool became uncool and then became hot again. Latterly I wore Levis for quite a long time and then at some stage, post psychadelia, went to Wrangler, then for some reason (cheapness) to lee; I'm not awarding you a capital L, lee.although perfectly servicable pair of strides you were, for a long time protecting my legs from the strafing of the shrill North Easterly and the hairs from unflattering wind ruffle. I used to get them from Burton's, boot cut.
Much later I decided , quite without encouragement, that Levis were Rangers and Wranglers, Celtic, lee would be partick thistle. The reason I'm asking is because I've just noticed my oldest boy, 16 is wearing Levis and the 14 year old Wranglers. That's enough of that.
The lights just went out there, could be mice, memo must get a qualified electrician to raise that switch tomorrow.
What is a memo anyway is it like a wee note? Have you noticed "operational", this must be buzzword of the day or operational buzzword du jour, just so as not to repeat myself even partially. How did we manage before without using it much. It has an important ring about it with maybe a hint of danger.
Your voice would need to drop a bit, it certainly wouldn't go up, oh deary me no. Just imagine that, a shrill "He's on operational duties right now" You see? It's probably migrated from the military into the council via the police force and heading for a private sector near you soon and when everyone's finished with it the clergy will start using it.
What else,no that's it.If you've got a word that you've noticed send it in to the guestbook and we can examine it together.